In the toddler classroom, we are still working on socialization a lot. Taking turns, respecting others' space, and learning how to negotiate resources is often our primary task!  We have seen a lot of beautiful growth and changes in our toddler community. Some of our older twos and near 3s have moved up to the First school where they are practicing their language skills in full immersion. And some of our older two’s are beginning to convey all the big ideas they have been mustering with the new found freedom of words. We have also welcomed new young friends to our community, who I am happy to say, have settled in beautifully, like old friends. Although always busy, the space has become grounded by the children’s own confidence. A great way to start the new year!

Recently, I had two separate conversations that came close together and seem connected. One about toddler speak, in which a colleague and I were commenting on the fact that the more you were with toddlers, the easier it is to understand the language that they speak. Almost like a dialect of sorts mixed with a heavy emphasis on body language & sign language. In the other conversation, a different teacher noted an interesting observation that it was fairly easy for toddlers to understand each other, but difficult for pre-school aged children to understand them. As I pondered this, I pictured a comparison of toddlers, and how much they relied on exaggerated emotion or strong words versus preschoolers, and how much they had slipped into the world of language communication, able to communicate fairly complex thoughts (“Do you want to ride on my rocket powered dragon?”), revelations, and opinions using many words at a time. Thus, I could see why preschoolers would have a hard time understanding toddlers, presuming they were listening hard for the words and forgetting about the body language. This thought then reminded me of the importance of emotion and body language (hand gestures etc.) we emphasize when communicating with toddler aged kids.

This month, I was also noting the gigantic leaps that some of our twos are taking in their vocabulary and language development in the toddler community. The gigantic leap in language from nouns to full sentences with prepositions, verbs and more has always fascinated me. It is a glorious time of celebration for the young child who has been a silent observer of the world around them. They have had sign and body language to meet their basic needs and to communicate emotions. But slowly the nouns and verbs began to add up. First , mama and papa, dada, mimi, dog, cat. And then, water, milk, home, more, go, and no. Slowly the prepositions have crept in; up, down, in and under. The curiosity has also come. Along with the desire to describe the sights that you see. Your mouth is finally working; forming those difficult words that the big people around you have been making for months. You’ve been watching, noting, practicing in your sleep. And somehow once you got a couple good, solid words down and your confidence grew, it became easier to practice more and more new words. Pronouns and a sense of self are suddenly upon us, and now, the time to claim your power has come.

Toddlers use a lot of emotion and body language to convey what they want and need. If you are open to this form of communication, it is remarkable how much is actually conveyed. But, eventually children want more. They want to convey their more complex thoughts and ideas to you. Words offer power through communication, and they mark a passage into the world of independence, and so language develops. This is an amazing time in human development. Like getting to witness a flower blooming slowly in front of you. It often comes with a lot of empowerment for children. But it can also bring some frustration when your thoughts are bigger than your words. As caregivers we can give children the time and space to compose their thoughts when they are trying to communicate with us. Sometimes we just have to listen.

It also is important to recognize that in times of weakness; frustration or body issues, many a person will forget to use their words and will resort back to their emotional communication tools. Thus it is important to remind children to use their words when they are working out something that they feel strongly about. Grabbing, hitting, and other “lashing out” behaviors are normal physical exertions of unmet desire or need: desire for the other person’s toy, a resource, or attention. Thus, although the behavior is not positive it is important to remember compassion for the unrequited need. Ideally, in a sharing situation for example, you would want to try to preemptively take the object of desire out of the ring and create a safe space (with your body in between to block any frustrated lashing out) to allow the children to work out the conflict. With young children who are just learning to speak, you want to keep the words you suggest in your scaffold simple; “Stop” “No” “Mine./Mine?” “Turn?”. But quickly, by the time the child is 2.5 to 3.5 and has a better sense of sharing, time, and cooperative play, you can broaden your scaffold; “My turn next?” “How long do you need it?” Likewise, if your toddler is exploring hitting you or someone else, (pinching, biting, pulling hair etc.), you could say “Ow! That hurts me. I don’t like that. Please be gentle with me.” Or something similar that conveys your authentic feeling on the matter in a peaceful and constructive way. And then immediately explore the need, frustration, or curiosity that they are expressing and experiencing. The older the child, the more complex your inquiry. Also, consider if they just need some tactile contact. A hug and quiet cuddle time, or sometimes, good old fashioned, goof ball tumbling, and play on the rug is often the cure for pent up frustration. Either way, try to make the recovery a fun one that allows you to reconnect with your child and one which allows her to grow from the experience.